but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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