the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
