Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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