the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
