Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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