Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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