she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize