He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
