Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
