Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
