it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
