How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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