I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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