oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
