Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
