I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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