Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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