I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
