It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
