I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
