My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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