You really coming over, don't trick.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
