I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
