You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
