I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
