Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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