she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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