I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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