so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
