I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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