so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
