I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
