:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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