If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
