Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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