paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I touched a dick in church today
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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