a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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