I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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