No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
