Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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