Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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