was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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