On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
