i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
