is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
