In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
