So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
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I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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