I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
