so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
