I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
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Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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