just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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