can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
