i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
