dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
