My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
