guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
