my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
