I wish my penis had an off switch
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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