he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
