The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
try to milk me bitch
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