So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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